As a child, I was raised by parents who live, breathe, and share their faith quite actively. Throughout my lifetime, I have experienced God the Father, the Holy Spirit, His Son, Our Lady, and a number of Saints as well as seeing God in fellow human beings. Nevertheless, I won’t go into all of that, because I believe that God has great plans for me, which I always seem to turn away from.
As an Irish Catholic, my faith life is like a roundabout. One minute, I feel like I’m moving up a level, then I’m back where I was before, if not worse. I would attribute it to a lack of prayer. Even though I know and understand that I should pray, I struggle to do it on my own.
My prayer would be more contemplative, where I would speak to God or wonder about Him. My prayer life isn’t as consistent as it should be. While I have a gift of understanding of our faith’s teachings and histories, it never penetrates my innermost soul, I have internal blockers. I’m hurt. Thus, my faith life is retarded or stunted. Occasionally, I live a religious life that makes me happy, but most of the time, I live a life governed by my weaknesses and desires.
Jesus, the humble Jew on the Cross
What’s the point of this story? My sense of God has been heightened since the beginning of the pandemic. It was in 2021 that I first learned about the Divine Will of LuisaPiccarreta.
Life was great spiritually, and I was hearing God from my inner self every day.
During January 2022, I participated in a silent retreat hosted by the Home of the Mother. Although I found the retreat extremely challenging, I made many breakthroughs. When I saw Jesus, the humble Jew carrying His Cross, seeking His Father’s love.
Matthew 26:58, And Peter was following him at a distance, as far as the courtyard of the high priest, and going inside he sat with the guards to see the end.
Like Saint Peter, I watched my God fall into the dirt of the earth while carrying His cross. While he lay broken in the dirt, my Jesus saw me and spoke to me, and the words He spoke have been etched into my heart ever since.
“You are more to me than your sins. You are more than the sum of all your parts, to me you are everything.”.
Wow, He loved me even as my sins spat on His face and nailed Him to the cross.
My faith life was based on my feelings, this was my key takeaway from the retreat. Learning about consolation and desolation. I will pray if I feel good, if I don’t I won’t etc. In my heart, I also sense that God wanted me to prepare myself for desolation. The tools and knowledge He provided me would enable me to cope with the desolation I faced. Now let’s move on to March, St. Patrick’s Day. My son was born that day. This is where my desolation began.
Desolation
My inner voice, or conscience, if you prefer, was always there, but I ignored it most of the time. As of now, it has been switched off. Nevertheless, I was prepared for it, so it wasn’t a problem. That’s what I thought. A few months later, I fell on my face theoretically. There were beasts manifesting from within, and my faith in life had been shattered. The truth is, I knew Satan was happy because he knew he had me and he knew I had given up on trying to control my weaknesses.
There were amazing things happening in my family and friends. The whole time I was in desolation, God was actively working through them, but their stories brought me no joy. A deep sense of brokenness swept over me. My actions never brought me any joy. The feeling of being numb was very eerie. I didn’t feel happy nor sad, but not sad overall either. An empty sensation. Despite my cries for God to show me, I was given nothing.
The Derry Earthquake is going to transform Catholic Ireland.
A YouTube video of Robert Nugent calling all men to Derry on the 19th of November 2022 is sent to me on October of that year. My interest was piqued by this. On the 2nd of November, I returned to the Divine Will meetings I had attended in the past. As a result of that meeting, my desolation was somewhat lifted. Once again, I felt God’s call.
A dream came to me that night. Through this dream, I found myself at reconciliation, confessing everything, even things I hadn’t even been aware of. Upon awakening, I realised that God did not want me to waste three hours on November 19th wrestling with my sins and wasting that time on me.
Another Divine Will meeting took place on the 16th of November, and it was mind-blowing, where the Lord wanted me in a state of grace, in giving God glory, and in contemplating His passion.
Another prophetic dream occurred to me that night. The dream took place on the 19th of November, when I was in the Long Tower Church in Derry. Infusing into the Divine Will I began to levitate.When I was at the roof, I noticed I was receiving attention from the crowd, which was a sign of my ego, which led me to violently throw myself to the floor and die. After I was resurrected by God, my sister told me I had been bewitched. It was then that I awoke. Dreams like this don’t happen every day. My heart was shook by what I heard. I was frieghtened. My brother and I discussed it but couldn’t figure out the reason.
In the morning of the 19th November, along with 1000 other men, I attended the Long Tower for Adoration from 11:30am to 2:30am. At the beginning of Adoration, I couldn’t settle my mind and wondered, for 15 to 30 minutes, if Jesus was really present in the Eucharist. In the same way as Thomas, I found myself doubting.
“In the evening of that same day, the first day of the week, the doors were closed in the room where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews. Jesus came and stood among them. He said to them, ‘Peace be with you.” When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side.… The other disciples said to [Thomas] ‘We have seen the Lord,’ but he answered, ‘Unless I can see the holes that the nails made in his hands and can put my finger into the holes they made, and unless I can put my hand into his side, I refuse to believe.’ (John 20:19-20, 25)
For the next two hours, I meditated on Luisa’s book on the Hours of the Passion. Having that experience was wonderful. After Adoration, I attended the talks, which were outstanding. Then it was back to Mass. The Long Tower Church’s top balcony provides an impressive view of the altar. I felt an overwhelming sensation to receive the Eucharist on the tongue.
Never have I done this before. It feels very awkward to me since I was never taught how to do it. As a child of the 1990s, I never had been taught the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
I said yes to Him, the humble Jew on the Cross, but only if a priest would give me my Lord’s body from His anointed hands. However, I got nowhere near the priest due to the church’s busyness, so the sacristan took His place. My human will could not keep me from receiving my God on the tongue.
The Real Presence – I am here, Look Down!
What happened next was the eureka moment of life. An unfamiliar sensation rushed through me, a warm flush. After communion, I did not return to my previous seat. It was very unusual; for me because I tend to sit in the same seat every time. Whatever the case may be, I sat in another seat. I closed my eyes before I could even say the OUR FATHER. I heard the words
“I AM HERE”.
Rather than responding, I opened and closed my eyes rapidly. Suddenly, I heard
“I AM HERE LOOK DOWN,”
I opened my eyes and shuffled my knees, before looking at the ground below. I saw a Eucharist stuck to the floor.
Just like when Saint Peter followed from afar, as did I, here again was My Jesus, My God, My All, fallen in the dirt, but only this time in a beautiful Church in Derry, we had crucified Him again.
Clearly, He had been there for a while. When I asked a man to my right if that was a Eucharist, he said no, but I knew it was. After closer inspection, both of us agreed. It was my first thought to sympathise with the person who did that. May God have mercy on their souls, for they do not know what they are doing.
“These souls cause Me more suffering than any others; it was from such souls that My soul felt the most revulsion in the Garden of Olives. It was on their account that I said: ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass Me by.’ The last hope of salvation for them is to flee to My Mercy.”
“On each day of the novena you will bring to My heart a different group of souls and you will immerse them in this ocean of My mercy. On each day you will beg My Father, on the strength of My passion, for the graces for these souls.” – Saint Faustina
Second, I remembered the Adoration earlier, when 1000 men worshipped God in reverence, and, most importantly, God was present, but He was also disrespected by earlier sacreligious people. In a parallel universe, I was the only one who could make reparation by offering up all sacreligious from Adam to the end of time – Past, Present, and Future – the great gift the Divine Will gives us and inspires the Saints. Immediately I got the priest who dissolve this Living Host of My Jesus in water and we all prayed for Divine Mercy.
Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
The dream about when I levitated remains unclear; but it is connected to the Eucharist. Derry has a big problem with witches, black magic, etc., so it may be related.
From the ramblings of this story, I conclude that the Eucharist is real. I have always had a deep faith in God, but on November 19th, I doubted like Thomas the disciple that the piece of bread was My God, My Lord, Jesus Christ who died for me on the Cross. Good Shepherds always take care of their flocks. He acted in love and showed me the Truth – He is indeed the humble Jew on the Cross; and He is indeed the Living Truth, the Living Host, the most Real Presence of the Holy Eurcharist.
Reflection
Why do we place limitations on where and how God speaks to us and how we speak to Him in prayer? Why do we feel that we need to go into a box to pray and when we leave that box Jesus remains there? No! He exits that box with us to carry us through joy and sadness, ups and downs, trials and tribulations to bring us to the place we need to be, to truly meet Him. Just accepting that you are not alone on the journey makes every waking moment a prayer. When we are down He is telling us that He is the one who has been there and that He will always be there with us. He so longs for us to be His arms – and those of His Holy Mother Mary that will carry us deeper into prayerful relationship, little by little as He works according to the experiences of each individual soul.
Jesus spent His life on this earth in a constant state of prayer with only two objectives occupying His humanity – to Glorify His Eternal Father and to save souls. When in our nothingness, His Divine Will takes possession of our soul and His prayer becomes our prayer. It is never ceasing – no matter how small the act we are doing we take on a persona that prays and gives Glory to our Eternal Father without ceasing.
When we see and acknowledge Him In His Amazing Creation – we pray; When we ponder what He suffered for us in His Passion – we pray; When we allow His Sanctifying Grace to penetrate our being – we pray. The smallest of our acts can be the greatest of our prayers. All we have to do is acknowledge that it is Jesus doing it in us. Look around, there is not a thing or moment (however difficult it may be) that does not have His stamp of ‘I LOVE YOU’ on it. Our prayer is to place our stamp of ‘I LOVE YOU TOO’ in return.
Often we seek consolation for our efforts in prayer – and sometimes we get it – that is God’s gift to us. Sometimes we feel nothing but dryness – and that is our gift to God.