Where do you begin to give a testimony about your faith when through the Grace of God you have always had it. There was no big conversion event, “albeit there were many events that caused further conversion or deepening of the faith.” From as young as I can remember, I always believed, and although I turned my back on God many times and walked far from the Shepherd like a lost sheep, I never lost my faith. In fact, my faith and knowledge of God caused my conscience to constantly stab at my soul in a similar way to how my sins stabbed the side of my Saviour.
Why Me?
God gave me proof of his existence at the age of ten for some reason. As a child, I heard my mom talking about Mount Melleray Grotto (in August of 1985, in the small village of Melleray, Cappaquin, Co.Waterford, Ireland, Our Blessed Lady appeared to some of the locals for a period of 9 days), and we ended up with a VHS cassette describing the Grotto and the visionaries. This place intrigued me, and something caught fire in my imagination. During the tenth anniversary of the apparitions at Mount Melleray Grotto in August 1995, my mother brought me there with my grandmother. The Grotto was jam-packed with people, and eventually my mother and grandmother got seats, while I was right in front of them.
During our time gazing at the statue on the cliff face, everything began to change. The vegetation around the statue blurred and swirled, and then the statue began to move. At first the veil swayed as it was blown by the wind, then the statue stepped away from its original position, and then back.
Suddenly, the statue changed from Mary to Jesus with His Sacred Heart visible in His chest. Then, one after another, a kaleidoscope of Saints appeared in the place where the statue of Mary had first appeared. Towards the end, Padre Pio appeared and stayed for longer than any of the other Saints, and then it started again until it ended at another female Saint, whose image is still seared in my mind. Afterwards, Our Blessed Mother returned and began walking towards me from her cliff face position and then back to it again.
All of this happened in what seemed like three minutes. My mother and grandmother were gone when I turned around. I was really upset (other group members were still present), but from my child’s perspective they abandoned me after three minutes. Our vigil at the Grotto was an overnight event, and we arrived at 11pm.
Upon reaching the coach, parked on the road, I found both sleeping inside. My mother was awoken by my screams, “How dare you leave me after 3 minutes.” “Son,” she replied. “You were there for 3 hours, and you were saying prayers that I didn’t even know.”
The three hours passed as if in an instant. Then why me? What made me deserve such a grace? I still don’t know the answers to these questions. As I have met so many extraordinary believers who haven’t seen anything, but I, who would drink and party for years on end, with all the vices that entail, was given such grace.
However, this Grace has kept a rein on my heart, pulling and dragging it back to our most Beloved Mother and Her Son. There have been countless other experiences since then that have left me undeniably convinced that God exists and the Catholic Church is the true church of God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).
Luke 1-28 And coming to Her, he said, “Hail, favoured one! The Lord is with you.”
The Long Dark Night
I’ve just moved jobs in 2022 and have found it extremely challenging to the point where I almost had a mental breakdown. During the month of October, I was unable to sleep for almost a month, and one night my sister called me and said, “Offer your sleep into the Divine Will of God.” So, I asked God to place my sleep under his Divine Will. On that night, I had the most vivid dream about kneeling in front of the Eucharist in Adoration and seeing a small red dot on the Host. Blood then started flowing out from the Host and I was transported to another chapel where it happened again.
My inner turmoil was building to the point that I thought I was losing my mind, but God reached out and blew me away with Grace and told me to find this group, the Men of St Joseph.” Three people (completely unrelated) told me about this group within a week. I took leave from my job and started going to Adoration and Mass every day. In that time, I fell deeply in love with Jesus, but not just with Him, but with God 3 in 1.
I began to offer my free will to the Divine Will, and several times during this time, I was transported with the Trinity to the location of the people I was praying for. When this first happened, I heard Our Blessed Mother laugh and say playfully, “Now you get it, son.” Then I realised She was answering a doubt I had from years earlier about praying too much to Mary and not enough to Jesus.
“When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’. Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’” (Jn 19:26-27).
She made me understand in this playful, motherly way that all She wants for us is to be immersed in the middle of the Holy Trinity as She is.
Lourdes, France March 25th 1858 The Lady says her name “I am the Immaculate Conception”
She is the Spouse of the Spirit, Mother of the Son and Daughter of the Father, She has been placed there since Her Miraculous Conception and has never left it. If we pray to our Mother, She will only ever bring our prayers into the centre of the most Holy Trinity, and if we consecrate our hearts to Her, She puts us there too.
Ireland’s Eternal Fire – The Real Presence of Christ
November 2022 marked the first time I fell in love with the Real Presence of Christ in the Most Blessed Sacrament. This culminated in the Adoration in the Long Tower Church on November 19th. Time vanished for the second time in my life.
At St Columba’s Long Tower Church, Derry, I was one of 1000 men who attended Adoration on the 19th November 2022. After spinning my own thoughts for the first hour, I felt compelled to go to confessions to get a niggly sin off my chest that had kept me from being in a state of grace. When I came out of reconciliation there was still one hour and thirty minutes of Adoration remaining however as I knelt down to say my penance the time disappeared. When I looked up and looked at the time it was 2.20pm and Adoration was coming to an end.
I feel that the 1000 men that came to Derry for Adoration on the 19th unleashed multitudes of Grace’s upon Derry, Ireland, and the world. The smouldering embers of faith has reignited into a flame, and it is about to be fanned out across Ireland. Then, just like in the time of Saint Columkille (St Columba), this Irish Flame will ignite England and reclaim Mary’s Dowry. Watch this space.
Reflection
So often our life’s journey starts on the road of a good Catholic upbringing yet it can take twists and turns as we choose our own will above the Divine Will. This is the acceptable Will of God as He chooses not to take the human will away. Some may have crystal clarity through spiritual phenomena in their lives that He is with them. For others it may be a long ‘Dark night of the soul’ as in the case of St. John of the Cross or even more recently St. Mother Theresa of Calcutta with her long period of spiritual dryness. For many, in either case, we so often stray, even though deep in our heart we know this is not our path to Eternal Salvation. Whatever the journey we can be sure that it is tailor made for each of us as we make our way back home. With certainty Our Blessed Mother is gently operating in the background and nothing is more certain than the Triumph of Her Immaculate Heart and those who bury themselves in and are consecrated to it.
Our journey’s along the path are individually tailored by our Blessed Lord who works through His Holy Mother (as the mediatrix of all Grace). This is such an amazing thing that He works in every soul differently and gently re-orders us internally (without our perception) whilst adjusting to our human will; something that He always respects.
Why do we ask ‘why’ when we are showered with Graces that appear to rescue us from a fate that we have laid out for ourselves – one we probably deserve. We shouldn’t ask why – that is exactly what the devil wants us to feel – our unworthiness. In fact Jesus tells Luisa Piccarretta in ‘The Book of Heaven’ that why was hatched in hell – why must I serve? It should suffice us to know that we have a God that loves each one of us as much as He loves all of us together and who wants our salvation more than we do and is willing to pour through Our Holy Mother, enough Graces (undeserved favours) upon us in order for us to achieve it.
Our Lady is God’s greatest creation, and Her role in Redemption – I can only imagine would make Her His most treasured of all – nothing and no-one will ever equal her. And where would He keep His greatest treasure? Certainly within the Holy Trinity. She is Mother and Queen of the Divine Will. Hers was the first feast of the Divine Will in Heaven. She wants nothing more than to surround Herself with other souls who have lived the Divine Will in exile and for those feasts in Heaven to be repeated.
The Blessed Trinity loves Her so much that she is Given that place of honour within it. She was the first creature to arrive in the Celestial Fatherland who had never done Her own will. She lived in the Divine Will from the first instance of Her Immaculate Conception. Her will was totally animated by the Divine Will.
We often hear from our protestant brothers about our misguided prayers and adoration of the Blessed Virgin Mary – our Mother, in fact the Mother of every individual of the human race. We were all conceived in that womb along with Jesus. She is our true Mother. My response to that bewildering puzzlement at the Honour that we give to Her is; if She was good enough for Jesus, She is good enough for me. In fact every time we call out to Her or commend our struggles to Her Immaculate Heart, Her answer is always the same – JESUS!
Jesus and Mary are one and Cannot be separated as Jesus confirms to Luisa in the ‘Book of Heaven’ – “Have you not understood that my Mother and I are one”